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Women's Magazine
March 2009
We all have a tendency to be pack rats. You know, hanging onto things just in case. Just in case what? We have the opportunity to wear that prom dress one more time, the Antique Road Show decides our dusty doll collection is worth thousands, the IRS randomly decides that taxes from fifteen years ago can be audited?
And that’s not all. What about the emotional stuff we hang onto? Resentments from past marriages, fear that we won’t be loved if we speak our minds, grief over the death of a loved one. Just like the dusty boxes that clutter our closets, emotions of days past can jam up our lives.
So what do we do with all the excess?
A material world.
Start with the material things – they’re usually easier to let go of than our emotional stuff. Block out two to three hours in your schedule at a time so that you don’t burn yourself out. Pick one area to focus on – the bedroom closet, the storage space in the study, one section of the garage. Make some tea, put on your favorite tunes, and turn off the phone so that you can focus.
Once you get in the groove, remember to be discerning. This is a time for brutal honesty. If you aren’t sure about a particular item, close your eyes and try to picture yourself actively using it in your every day life. If it takes more than about ten seconds to imagine, it’s likely time for that thing to go. Of course, there will be things that you won’t use every day and decide to keep. Be realistic. You probably don’t need an entire closet for those belongings.
Undoubtedly, you will be getting rid of things that were dear to you at one time: a worn teddy bear or an art project from ten years ago. Before you place it in the trash, take a few extra moments to reminisce and express gratitude for the time in your life that the object represents; acknowledging its sentimental value will make it easier to let go of.
Emotional baggage.
There’s a reason they call it baggage. Holding onto stories of the past is very much like trying to move through an airport with three suitcases, a backpack, a purse, a cup of coffee, and no handy luggage cart to help. With that kind of load, we are likely to become frustrated, impatient, and exhausted.
Though it may look and feel different, the process for releasing emotions is similar to the process of cleaning out the closets: make time in your schedule, create an environment that feels supportive, carefully examine your inventory, and be honest about what needs to go.
The big difference between sorting out the material and sorting out the emotional is that the emotional realm requires support of others. You may be able to tackle that dreaded closet on your own, but don’t try to tackle your grief, resentment, anger, and fear alone. Enlist the help of a counselor, a spiritual community or practice, and friends. These are the people that will help you to uncover old emotions, express gratitude for what you have learned, and get you to a point where carry-on luggage is all you need.
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The truth of the matter is, we’re never done with letting go. There’s always something new to buy, another emotion to hang onto. The key is sticking to a regular practice of clearing out so that the excess doesn’t pile up too high for too long. With dedication to this process, we can lighten our load and move forward in life with a little more ease and grace.
